It’s Friday again, and I’m taking on the challenge: “Why Put Off Tomorrow What I Can Do Today”, which means I’m doing this on Tuesday instead of Friday night. It also helps that the woman I’m switching with sent me my questions over the weekend!
Hooray, hooray, hooray it’s Friday and time for another fabulous #AskAwayFriday!
Now to welcome our wonderful #AskAwayFriday hosts…
Tiffany from Mrs. Tee Love Life Laughter,
Christy from Uplifting Families,
Stacey from This Momma’s Ramblings
and
Amber from Bold Fit Mom
April is a wife, mom, blogger, entrepreneur, author, and fitness guru who blogs about the things that make up her daily life as a SAHM focusing on her family. Be sure to stop by April’s site to check out her wonderful recipe offerings and money making opportunities or to just say “Hi”!
So…grab our brand, new button, follow our amazing hosts and co-host, hop through the great link ups and make some amazing new friends!
What is the most important thing that you want to teach your children? I want my children to be honest, hard working and smart individuals. I want them to find something the enjoy and work hard building it and making it grow. However, I want them to work smarter and not harder, when they can.
Do you think you will work outside the home when your children are all in school? I don’t know yet. I have so many things buzzing around my head that I’m not sure a desk job will satisfy me. Also, we haven’t thrown out the idea of homeschooling, which would get in the way of any outside the home jobs.
You mentioned that you were so busy caring for other people you never thought you would have children of your own. How did you care for other people and what did you hope to accomplish in that field? Oh, I wasn’t paid to care for them. I basically worked to send money to my family, to the detriment of myself, physically, emotionally and financially and I never wanted to be that burden on my children. I figured if I didn’t have them, I couldn’t rely on them and therefore didn’t want them.
I have worked closely with women who have lost children. One area that women struggle with the most is guilt, even though it was not their fault in any way, shape or form. Can you help these women by sharing if you experienced any feelings of guilt and if so, how did you handle it? YES! I feel that guilt is the way that we process the loss ~ if we did something wrong, then we can somehow fix it. You can’t fix accidents, acts of God or medical mysteries. You can’t fix legal involvement, returning parents or someone else blundering paperwork. You can (or you think you can) your mistake. Just undo it and you’ll get your baby back. But that’s never the case. In order for me to heal, I had to forgive myself. I’m not even sure if that’s the right phrase, but I had to say to myself that even though I didn’t do anything wrong, and even if I did, I forgive me for any mistakes that I made. I tried some other things, but ultimately, I still blamed myself for his death and therefore I had to forgive myself.
I know you are working at making your marriage last. What have you learned that may be beneficial for women who are trying to do the same? A lot of people say communication, but talking to each other alone is not communicating. You need to learn to listen and finding the time and the place to bring up issues. I actually talk about how to make your marriage last in my book, Tidbits from Help Meets’ Hearts.
What wisdom or tips can you share with other women who are on a weight loss program? Stick with it! Starting over is really hard to do, and you typically have lost all previous progress:
What are absolutely passionate about? What do you do to realize that passion? Sadly, I can’t say that I have a passion. I’m a kinda jack of all trades, master of none. I like a lot about a lot of things. I love sports, and reality television, blogging, and providing information, playing with my children, and doing non-profit work. I like helping people, ultimately, whether it’s giving them a ride to the airport or giving them a resource to get help elsewhere, I do what I can.
What are your best qualities? I’m honest. My friends don’t come to me to sugar coat things. I have gotten better as aksing what they need first, so I don’t given them my honest opinion first. As in the previous question, I’m good at helping people.
What is your biggest pet peeve? Bad driving! I can deal with a lot of things, but when I’m in the car, with my children, I don’t want to deal with people who can’t make a turn on a left turn arrow, stop in the middle of the intersection when the light turns red or decides that the light might turn red so stops prematurely. Makes for a very frantic driving experience!
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Work smarter – that is so true! And I agree with what you said that we should start with forgiving ourselves before we can finally accept something happened, and yes even when we're not at fault. I mean, it applies to every aspect of life. I also agree that communication in marriage is not just talking but also listening, that's really a great point I've always believed in.
I don't want my children to work just to work. I want them to work because they enjoy it and/or it brings them some benefit. With all the "what ifs", you will always think that you could've done something differently. You have to believe that even if you did something wrong, you have to forgive yourself for it. I've heard many people say they "talk" to their spouse all the time, yet nothing changes. But you can't think of that way. And sometimes you have to say it differently, at a new time, or in a new way. Hope you're having a wonderful weekend Rea!
Love the "tired of starting over" quote.
Wise words about guilt in loss, too. It's so hard not to think "what if?"
And I'm SO tired of starting over! Often it's just a reminder for me! Glad you like it too, Bronwyn!
I so agree about listening being such an important part of the communication in a marriage. We often think as long as we are being honest and saying what we think and ho we feel, that we are communicating effectively. But if we're not listening to the other person, then it just doesn't work!
Have a great weekend, April!
Exactly Beth! Marriage is a journey, sometimes it's easy and other times, it's not. You have to communicate, even the hard things, to keep the relationship going!
The thing about bad drivers is most times they think they are really good drivers…LOL That just makes it even worse! Happy to see you with us in this week's #AskAwayFriday and I hope you're having a great start to your weekend!
Oh yes, definitely. I heard a study that most people think they're good drivers! And they often think that they can do something, but if the other person does it, it's "Bad". I'm actually pretty forgiving on the road. I understand some people are in a hurry, or others aren't paying attention, so to catch me off guard is a rarity. Yet, living here, it seems to happen all the time. I'm loving this weekend so far. Very busy one to come! I hope you have a great one too!
Thank you for switching Q & A with me today. It was fun and insightful. I look forward to following you. I love the quality about you being honest — we would get along GREAT!
I started out blogging, hiding behind a curtain. Not lying, but hiding the bumps and bruises of myself. It was hard to remember what had been said and what had not been. I got tired of it. I enjoy much more now! I would love to meet you in person.
Ugh, bad driving is the worst! The worst!
Once again, an inspiring read about baby loss, marriage and more.
I love coming here!
It sounds like you do have a passion – for helping people. And that's a good one!
I do! I hate to see people suffering, and if I can help them or even better help them be in a position to help themselves, I LOVE it! Sometimes people have problems because they don't know better, some do it to themselves and others have it done to them. I want everyone to be healthy, happy and successful (everyone having their own definition of success).
I'm a new reader from the AAF Facebook page. Loved getting to know you a bit! I have to agree, bad driving is a huge pet peeve of mine. Since I don't drive anymore, I've found I am even more frustrated in the passenger seat by bad driving. I love your advice for your kiddos, that's probably the best I've heard in awhile.
Nice *meeting* you! I saw your post, but I don't think I've been by yet. LOL! I try to keep myself distracted when my husband drives with my cell phone or a book. Otherwise, I can be a nasty back seat driver! Thanks. I hope my children are happy and get a chance to enjoy life and not struggle!
Oh, I completely agree about knowing the time and place to bring up issues- the art of reading each other's moods and states of minds is a tricky one! Helping people sounds like a great passion to me
And oh yes, bad driving has been getting to me too much lately! I need to take some more deep breaths while I'm driving and try not to let the other drivers bother me so much.
Have a good weekend, April!
I don't know if it's more texting while driving or what, normally, I have done well reading others while driving, but more frequently, people are making just crazy, last second, sudden moves that seem to be inexplicable to situation! Maybe we should teach a class on reading each other!
Such good advice about communication and marriage. So many people talk, but fail to listen to the other party. And you had a very interesting perspective on why you didn't want kids. I don't have any (yet?) and that's kinda one of the reasons. I wouldn't want them to feel burdened by me the way I felt (and sometimes continue to feel) burdened by my parents' decisions. It's definitely a tough thing to deal with.
I realized (after I had my son) that I don't have to put my burdens on him. I try to get him to try new things, find things he likes, then support him in the venture even if it's only for a short time. Sometimes my competitive nature gets the best of me and I push him a little harder, then have to rein myself in! I have intensely loved being a mother. Having them has taught me so much about myself ~ often they will mirror my attitude or actions. The ones I don't like, I immediately try to change. Sometimes it's successful, sometimes not. Then, I love living through the eyes of a child. There's such simplicity in their lives and they find joy in just being with another person or smiling at them. It really shows you what's important! Sometimes I feel burdened by my parents decisions too, and for a while, I had to cut off contact just to understand what I wanted and could bear. Now, I'm there in ways that I can be, and not there in ways that I can't. Other than that I try to make different decisions.
I think it is easier to forgive others than to forgive ourselves. It's a hard concept.
My daughter just purchased the curriculum to home school. I don't know a ton about homeschooling but it seems that there are more resources now than even five years ago.
Yes, forgiving yourself is hard, because you still see you ALL DAY EVERY DAY and there's always somewhat of a reminder of the "issue". Most states offer free homeschool curriculum, which is unheard of a few years ago! Plus, the online materials and resources are vast!
Okay, the driving thing…I go batsh&^T crazy when the light is green and people slow down anticipating it turning yellow. I cannot deal. We have two local lights that used to be short greens and are now longer…I'm always behind someone who creeps with the brakes on and then sprints through the yellow (and I get the red.) My neck is itchy just thinking about it.
But what I took away most is your love of helping others. That's a special talent to be compassionate and caring – and act on it.
Oh, we have those drivers here! That drives me crazy! I'd itch too!
I don't like those stupid red light cameras. I am always afraid that I am going to get a ticket and I have slowed down just in case it turns red. I get their purpose and would gladly run a light if it meant avoiding an accident.
Today as I was driving my daughter to her dance, a car came flying by me on the freeway. They came up on another car and had to hit their brakes. Then they were weaving in and out of traffic.
Don't even get me started on road rage. 😉
They were outlawed (or just gotten rid of) in California because (1) more accidents occurred because people would rearend someone slamming on their brakes, and (2) people often claimed it wasn't them driving. I completely get out of the way for road rage. I don't have the patience, and I like my life and car too much to get in the way!
I LOVE your quote about not giving up. I a trying to get back on the fitness bandwagon and taking care of myself. I've not seen much movement on the scale but I feel better and my clothes fit differently.
The scale is only ONE tool to track your progress ~ scale, clothes fitting, increased energy, feeling better. I'm a fitness coach, so feel free to ask me any questions, and I'd love to help you down the path to health!
Truer words were never spoken! You have some great advice regarding marriage and forgiveness! I used to get really angry about poor drivers but in the past few years I've been training myself to calm down and not care about them and their problems…it's not worth getting myself worked up. I hardly get frustrated anymore, especially now that I have a little one.
LOL! I'm actually the opposite. I feel overly protective of them so the bad drivers get on my nerces because I'm (and they are) not risking just my life, but theirs too! Thank you for your kind words.
Bad drivers are a pet peeve of mine too – particularly when they just do ridiculously dumb things like stopping in the middle of the road. My oldest just got her Learner's permit, so I'm anxious enough about that as it is! I'm more worried about other drivers than I am about her. Here come the gray hairs…
My son driving probably worries me the most! Thankfully I have several years before that happens. I was taught by a someone who can drive pretty well, so I was never scared, but I think others would be!
I really like your tip about successful weight loss. So important to keep with it. That's the mistake I've made this year and I'm not going to make it again. Thanks for the inspiration!
Yes, all progress is good progress . Keep with it! You can do it!
I like your quote: If you are tired of starting over, then stop giving up!" I may only be making slow progress, but I am determined to get my house and health in order and make new habits to overwrite the old ones!
YES! We can do this together! Oh, my house. I have so much stuff in the garage that needs to be cleaned up, it's ridiculous!
Thanks for sharing this post on #SmallVictoriesSunday. Added to the Small Victories Sunday Pinterest board. Hope you will join in again next week!
Thank you so much!
What a great swap! I am so late in reading last weeks and trying to catch up! You are so right that it takes both communication and listening for a successful marriage…and I think a little bit of desire to work through the troubles. My kids always hear me say, that all couples have their problems, it kind of goes hand in hand with all being in the same space with life, but you have to have the desire to see the bad times through as well as the good. Bad drivers make me crazy, too, especially when they stop in the middle of the road to have a chat with one another…I mean really! LOL! Have a great week, April!
I didn't even think about that one, Stacey! Stopping in the middle of the road. We live in a gated community and two friends stopped in the middle to talk to each other, as if the rest of us didn't have anything to do. Honking only brought eye rolls! Exactly, sharing the same space is hard. Even if you lived with your best friend, problems would arise because you aren't the same person!